Thanksgiving was an interesting day. Mom ruined the stuffing by laying out the bread on Downy soaked kitchen towels. The strong scent and taste of fabric softener permeated the entire stuffing and after just one bite, my appetite was destroyed and the dinner was a total bust. The bright side is that I ate way less than I normally would and saved a ton of calories.

One of my best friends went home for the holiday. She enjoyed a festive 50 person Thanksgiving! Wow, I'm so envious of that. Since I've lived on the west coast and most of my family is on the east coast, my holidays tend to be a meager gathering of orphaned friends and my mother.

My best guy friend told me that his family experienced a bit of drama when his grandmother left in a huff because her dog wasn't allowed to roam freely throughout the house. His parents just got new furniture so his mother set up an area for the little dog to hang out but the dog was miserable, hence so was his grandmother, so they made an early angry exit.

Now, my friends are planning Christmas. Who knows where we'll end up or how many there will actually be. Holidays are a tricky affair and never seem to go as planned whether they are had in the usual places or during a trip.

The Christmas after my dad died, mom and I decided to go to Vegas (of all places) for Christmas. We wanted to be as far away from tradition as we possibly could. That plan was foiled when every hotel was gilded in gold and decorated with towering trees, lit up for all to see. Families were there with generations following in toe. We were faced with our reality of spending the holiday, just the two of us, alone in Vegas. We vowed never to do that again!

This year was filled with many, many changes. Old and new relationships rekindled, a few false starts and one delicately balanced in the process of ending, most likely. It is always my intention to tie up the end of the year and evaluate any served purposes. I like to start the new year fresh. No sense in dragging along a corpse (or two) into a new beginning. Besides, you can't move very fast when carrying the dead.

My cousins are facing the painful and inevitable loss of their father who's been battling cancer for a couple of years. First it was bladder cancer, then lung. Now my uncle Bob has a brain tumor and the doctors have officially given him 2 months to live. My heart aches over his suffering and the sad process of letting him go. I curse this world when the inescapable sorrow beats relentlessly at the door. It is out of our control.

His cancer brought their family back together again, which was a great, unexpected by-product of such a horrible situation. I just hope their strength can withstand the next agonizing weeks as they watch him deteriorate slowly. My whole being cries for them today.

As October is slipping away, I must honor my commitment of posting at least one new post a month. So, this is it. It is astounding how much writing I do and yet I can't seem to squeeze this in more often. However, the incredible fatigue and blurry eyes remind me that there is only so much that one can accomplish in a day.

Do you ever wonder how certain people seem to have boundless streams of undying energy? I wish I knew their secret. Today during my midday beach walk, I had to seriously push through the aching legs and the wind drag. I'm blaming part of it on the Santa Anas that suddenly raised our temperature and skyrocketed the pressure. Part of it also belongs to my hormones this week and part is just sheer fatigue.

My latest assignment is to try to keep up with a whirling dervish. A very lovable dervish, but a whirlwind, nonetheless. Well, actually that's only part of the story. My actual job is to write copy and develop content for a website launch. The whirling dervish is the guy in charge who is one of those boundless energy types I was referring to earlier. I don't know how he does it. And some nights he doesn't even sleep! Yet he manages to carry on with a smile on his face. In fact, he's so charismatic and playful you'd never know he's been running at 100 mph. I know he must be exhausted; I wonder how he does it?

As my eyelids grow heavy and a yawn crawls across my face I wish I was one of them. I'm doing my best to keep up with all the exciting events as they unfold and still manage to fit in the stuff I need for me. If I can keep up my yoga practice and continue to produce great work, then I'll consider that a victory. And if my blog suffers for a little while, well...

I just read the most interesting short story by Midge Raymond titled Two Lies and a Truth. In it, two friends consistently play a game where each has to guess which of the three statements is true. The interesting turn of events occurs when one friend discovers the other is cheating with her boyfriend. One break-up leads to the original friend cheating on the other friend with the same boyfriend. What a dark and delicious turn of events.

What strikes me most occurs at the end when the previous girlfriend, who is now the "other woman," admits that she has no illusions about what she's doing and no longer believes in "fantasies, in loyalty, in happily ever after." She continues, "What I believe now changes and morphs, the truth fluid and malleable, ebbing and flowing the way friendships bend and stretch but rarely break."

Boy this passage has my mind reeling. Is this the ultimate destination for us women? Do we eventually arrive at the realization that there really is no absolute truth? Do we have to make peace with the fact that everything we thought we knew and believed actually turns out to be false? Like, loyalty in friendships and partnerships and the happily ever after mythology. The other end of this existential dilemma resides in the acceptance of the disillusionment and the twisted revenge. I mean, the previous "cheatee" is now the cheater. She boldly embraces her ex's improved treatment of her, now that she's the other woman.

What does this say about relationships? How many are based on a lie or a series of lies?

Years ago, I ended a friendship. I couldn't stomach being drawn into my friend's web of lies. She was lying to her husband about her huge financial mismanagement and expected me to lie with her. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. I had to walk away from that friendship because I couldn't accept that my friend could be so cold and calculating with her supposed beloved. Naive, yes, but crooked no, that's just not me.

I knew my friend married him because he as a doctor and would be a good provider. He was a good provider and never expected or required her to work. That, however, was not good enough for her, she wanted more. She not only wanted more, she took more than he could possibly make in order to keep her in the lifestyle she wanted. Due to her unbelievable expectations, she got them both into tremendous debt - and he was clueless.

Years have passed and I no longer know what happened to that couple. I always thought that when the shit hits the fan, it was going to be one hell of a mess. But, you know, I wonder if he still isn't living in some form of denial. Even after he realized he had married someone a little different than he thought, he was loyal to her. I wonder if he still is?

My question now, today, is: Are there any genuine relationships based on total trust and absolute honesty? Or is that too just another fantasy I have to outgrow?

Remember back in grade school when all you had to do to become best friends with someone was to basically declare it? "You're my new best friend." And your friend would agree and it was settled. BFF's forever, or until you got in a big fight and found a new besty.

In romance, a boy would ask a girl to "go with him," where exactly usually meant to his bedroom, when his parents weren't home, to make-out. Or to the movies, or roller skating and it always included lots of hand holding and the wearing of his jacket. The girl would say, yes, and it was a done deal. You were a couple. Remember those days? Today, things are very different and I'm not really sure why.

At this moment, I have several sets of friends in uncomfortably ambiguous relationships fraught with entirely too much hidden, unspoken realities. It seems like we've become a "go with the flow" people, to our own detriment I suggest. Don't bring it up, don't rock the boat or he/she will disappear, seems to be our mantra.

But, my question is this: Why be engaged in a delicately balanced relationship where you must constantly stifle your needs for the sake of the relationship? How can that be happy or satisfying? Well, it can't in my opinion. So many people rush into relationships merely because they don't want to be alone, to then later find they are in a very unhealthy and unfulfilling situation.

Right now, I have several friends going through a separation or a divorce. I know the emotional toil they are experiencing as they try to find themselves again after the damage is done. My heart really goes out to them. We've talked about how much the fantasy never matches the reality and how we are fed visions of fairy tale endings that never seem to work out.

My friend, who's been married for 30 years, encourages me to find someone to be miserable with and just be miserable together. He says, if you can find someone who makes you laugh, then that's the best you should expect. After all, as the years go by, the other stuff fades anyway. At least, according to him.

I read a recent poll that asked women what made them most happy and they responded with: sleep, rest, eating, sex and a few more things that may surprise you. But not one of the items on the list included marriage.

I can't help wonder, is marriage just broken? Have times changed too much, too rapidly, to keep pace with an institution based on the ideals of yesterday? Were people really happy then or did they just not know any different? And if marriage is outdated, can a solitary life be a happy one?

Any thoughts? I'd love you to share some.

This week, I found out someone I went to school with died suddenly from a heart attack. She was 56 years old. The news is very sad, not because I knew her well, but because she just graduated from college and was looking forward to getting her teaching credential and starting a new chapter in her life. Everyone who knew her in school was shocked and deeply saddened by her passing.

Earlier, the same day I got the news about Joni's death, another friend posted on her Facebook status this question: If you died suddenly, what would you miss most? Pretty ironic, no? It was fascinating to read people's responses. One woman posted that she would miss lobster, apple pie and blueberry pancakes. Another one posted that he would miss his cats and ganga. And of course the list went on.

I asked someone close to me the same question, and this is what he said:

I’d miss the cool breeze after a rain when the world is fresh and shiny and clean.

I’d miss chocolate chip cookie dough sweet and grainy as it melts in my mouth.

I’d miss staying up till 2AM to finish a really good book.

I’d miss watching a new movie both thought provoking and tear jerking, salty popcorn by my side.

I’d miss the butterflies I get when your warm lips touch mine.

I’d miss the feel of my lover, spooning in bed, sated and content.

This had me thinking about the things I would miss most. I originally said that I would miss:

I'd miss the perfume the sun makes when it warms fragrant Eucalyptus trees

I'd miss pink buttercream roses atop a delicious chocolate cake

I'd miss the feel and smell of puppies, with their warm bellies and happy faces

I'd miss the scent and sound of the turbulent ocean, undulating ever so steadily

I'd miss my lover's hands gliding along my skin.

I'd also miss:

-floating in a warm pool, and swimming

-really silky clean sheets after a relaxing salt bath

-a perfect latte

-Italian food, including: spaghetti with meat sauce, pepperoni pizza, mushroom risotto, etc...

-a pampering spa day

-making a difference in someone's life

My list could go on and on...

As I read it, it occurs to me how simple and sensory the items are. I also recognize what's missing from my list. Some omissions now appear blatantly obvious. For example, the people I love, poetry, seeing and exploring new or exotic places, etc...

Okay, I have to come back to this because after all this talk of food, I need to go for a walk before I eat something else.

TBC.

Yesterday, was a great day. I met up with three friends, at three different times, and enjoyed great conversations, brainstorms and general merriment. As a writer, I often spend the majority of my day alone, in front of this computer. So when I have dates planned with some of my favorite folks, it's truly a refreshing change.

One of my friend's from college is a fellow writer and we discussed the balancing act between our writing lives and the rest of our other personas. It's reassuring to hear that she suffers from what most other artists/writers are plagued with, and that is the need to have time and space for our brains to focus solely on creative pursuits. When I am in creative writing mode, the real world ceases to exist. In other words, it is inevitable that other "real life" stuff will suffer and slip through the cracks.

Being torn in multiple directions is our modern dilemma, I realize that, but for writers it's especially challenging. And, because we are by nature relatively antisocial, it's even more challenging to keep our relationships alive and thriving when we have a cast of characters living in our own heads, begging for attention. Add on top of that, growing up as an only child, where my imagination was my only friend and you'll know why I am single.

Another friend of mine and former boss, discussed the challenges of motherhood and professional success. At the pinnacle of her corporate career, she suffered a brain aneurysm and nearly died. She admitted to a high level of stress colliding into an uncomfortable, impossible sandwich feeling. She also mentioned that recently she's had a lot of friends, between their 40's-50's, die unexpectedly. Stress from the balancing act perhaps?

Add to that the stress of raising young children or teenagers who are continually bombarded with sexually explicit images that reinforce their value as merely sexual beings. I can't imagine raising young girls today, with the threat of sex-traffickers lurking around every corner, looking for easy targets. And what about the wide-spread objectification and commodification of female bodies? How can we conquer that?And how does any mother sleep?

So, what's on my mind today is how to manage the mess! The mess that is life. Life is a very complex, messy, unrelenting series of decisions, troubles and genuine heartaches - and that's on an average day. On really bad days the damage can run the gamut from job loss to cancer diagnosis', to death. Fortunately, we get truly wonderful days too. Ones filled with friends, great food, creative inspiration and unexpected surprises. Those are the days I try to multiply. It is my theory that if we all had more of those days, there would a lot less of the other ones, including the ones where young girls and boys are the victims of abuse.

Care to weigh in on how you balance it all? I'd love to hear what you have to say.

The raspberry-spinach salad is made and chilling in the fridge. The shrimp is marinating in olive oil, lemon zest and garlic and is waiting to be seared. The pasta water's coming up to a slow simmer, waiting for the farfalle to dive on in, and I am waiting for my lunch date to arrive. I'm looking forward to the lemon, garlic-shrimp pasta for many reasons, but particularly because I know the price of shellfish is going to skyrocket after the disastrous oil spill in the gulf.

Today, I heard one of those morning talk show commentators mention that it took Obama a month before he met with the president of BP. People seem outraged that our President hasn't done enough, soon enough, regarding this disaster. This makes me wonder about our expectations in the media and with our leadership in general. In our ever increasing, highly visible society, where everyone announces everything from what they're having for dinner to which candidate wears the most fashionable hairstyle on their facebook page or twitter updates, it only makes sense that we, as a nation, feel outraged over Obama's less than visible attention to such an important matter. But, my question is, is it true?

This makes me wonder, are we so used to hearing about useless daily details that the more important stuff doesn't float to the surface anymore? Or, perhaps it's that the important discussions are held behind closed doors and are not discussed unless there's a big push from a strong arm to do so. I am just as perplexed as everyone as to why this disaster has gone on so long and why our leaders didn't react right away to this crisis. I'm doubly perplexed as to why a dangerous practice like transport & drilling doesn't come with a safeguard or action plan already in place, well in advance of an incident occurring. Who regulates this industry? More importantly, who benefits from this disaster? Surely, it isn't us.

Well, since I obviously have more questions than answers, I'll get back to my lunch preparation. I'll savor my fresh shrimp pasta and hope it won't be my last taste of fresh seafood from the gulf in a long while. If this doesn't raise glaring awareness about conservation, what will?