Remember back in grade school when all you had to do to become best friends with someone was to basically declare it? "You're my new best friend." And your friend would agree and it was settled. BFF's forever, or until you got in a big fight and found a new besty.

In romance, a boy would ask a girl to "go with him," where exactly usually meant to his bedroom, when his parents weren't home, to make-out. Or to the movies, or roller skating and it always included lots of hand holding and the wearing of his jacket. The girl would say, yes, and it was a done deal. You were a couple. Remember those days? Today, things are very different and I'm not really sure why.

At this moment, I have several sets of friends in uncomfortably ambiguous relationships fraught with entirely too much hidden, unspoken realities. It seems like we've become a "go with the flow" people, to our own detriment I suggest. Don't bring it up, don't rock the boat or he/she will disappear, seems to be our mantra.

But, my question is this: Why be engaged in a delicately balanced relationship where you must constantly stifle your needs for the sake of the relationship? How can that be happy or satisfying? Well, it can't in my opinion. So many people rush into relationships merely because they don't want to be alone, to then later find they are in a very unhealthy and unfulfilling situation.

Right now, I have several friends going through a separation or a divorce. I know the emotional toil they are experiencing as they try to find themselves again after the damage is done. My heart really goes out to them. We've talked about how much the fantasy never matches the reality and how we are fed visions of fairy tale endings that never seem to work out.

My friend, who's been married for 30 years, encourages me to find someone to be miserable with and just be miserable together. He says, if you can find someone who makes you laugh, then that's the best you should expect. After all, as the years go by, the other stuff fades anyway. At least, according to him.

I read a recent poll that asked women what made them most happy and they responded with: sleep, rest, eating, sex and a few more things that may surprise you. But not one of the items on the list included marriage.

I can't help wonder, is marriage just broken? Have times changed too much, too rapidly, to keep pace with an institution based on the ideals of yesterday? Were people really happy then or did they just not know any different? And if marriage is outdated, can a solitary life be a happy one?

Any thoughts? I'd love you to share some.