At a birthday party recently, a 38-year old, admitted playboy, bragged that he is such a frequent patron of the nine-ten bar in La Jolla that he can consume $100 dollars in liquor and end up paying only $20. I’m assuming he shared this bit of information to somehow impress me – it didn’t.

A friend, whose income is 1/5 of her boyfriend’s, was fed up with his continual bragging of the surf trip he is taking to Indonesia, she spoke up and finally said how much she wanted to go to Indonesia, someday. He replied, “Then go.” She clarified by saying she couldn’t afford a trip like that, hoping he would understand and perhaps even suggest that someday he would take her. He missed it and replied again, “why don’t you just go if you want to go.”

Last night, a group of my friends were meeting for Happy Hour (HH) at Pacifica in Del Mar. A friend and I arrived early to scout out a table because the bar gets packed every night of the week there. While we were waiting for a table to open up, a young server came over and suggested we get a drink, assuring us that a table should be available shortly. Our group prefers to go out for HH because we are all budget conscious. Also, by starting the evening early we can be sobered up before driving back to our perspective homes.

The server showed us the menu and said there were drink specials for HH, we asked about prices, she said we could get well drinks for $5-6. Great! By the time our drinks arrived we had snagged a table and our other friends arrived. At the end of the evening our bill came, but the story had changed. We were charged $9 each for our drinks, almost double what was told us.

My artist friend and I spoke up about the bill in defiance of our visibly embarrassed friend who would rather die than dispute a check. I tried to explain that it just wasn’t fair that we were told one price and then charged nearly double. It was as much principle as dollars and cents. Ignoring her stink eye, we fought for what was right and had the check adjusted. I’m not sure if it was more necessity or justice that provoked our action, but it was clear that we were not bothered by how we appeared to the server, we were bothered by the injustice. This event highlighted the difference in how different people can/do care about very different things, fundamental things. My mortified friend was more concerned over her reputation and appearances, so much so in fact, she was willing to pay the difference in order to shut us up. She overpaid and over-tipped in an attempt to counteract our “ill manners.” (Not her words, her thoughts I presumed from the look on her horrified face.)

This has me thinking a lot about the haves and the have-nots and how socio-economics plays a large role in who you spend time with. People with above average incomes take for granted their dispensable spending money. My friends who are artists, writers, students or office workers, all have to watch every penny that leaves their hands. We don’t have a surplus, every dollar counts. Each weekly, or monthly in some cases, entertainment spending decision must be weighed carefully against the practical concerns of living expenses. Some manage the juggling act better than others, some fail miserably. As someone who went from the corporate world with steady paychecks, benefit plans and subsided health care, I am acutely aware of how much I didn’t think about those things until they were gone. An extra drink at a bar or an overly generous tip didn’t concern me in the least. I had more than enough to experience most things I chose to do.

It’s easy to forget where another person’s coming from when you’re so wrapped up in yourself. This is what’s fundamentally wrong with our culture in Southern California. I won’t overstate it by moving beyond my sunshine borders, but I would guess this epidemic is far more expansive than my corner of the world.